Marriage is a beautiful institution and it becomes even more edifying and beautiful when there is harmony among the spouses. Harmony amongst the married partners works like magic particularly in moulding and building up the children born in the marriage. Harmony between both couples enables the children to enjoy both sides of the two world in such a way that the influences to be derived from the father and mother makes growing for the children a total experience of happiness and self actualisation.
In this brief reflection on marriage and the essence of harmony, we will however pay greater attention to the all important and strategic, psychological and emotional roles of the character of the father of the House in determining how well cultured and Honourable, the children will become in life. Let us look at what experts in child psychologists say about the place of the father in the character upbringing of the children.
The Importance of a Father in a Child’s Life:
Anyone can father a child, but being a dad takes a lifetime. Fathers play a role in every child’s life that cannot be filled by others. This role can have a large impact on a child and help shape him or her into the person they become.
Fathers and Emotional Development
Fathers, like mothers, are pillars in the development of a child’s emotional well-being. Children look to their fathers to lay down the rules and enforce them. They also look to their fathers to provide a feeling of security, both physical and emotional. Children want to make their fathers proud, and an involved father promotes inner growth and strength. Studies have shown that when fathers are affectionate and supportive, it greatly affects a child’s cognitive and social development. It also instills an overall sense of well-being and self confidence.
Fathers Set the Bar for Relationships with Others
Fathers not only influence who we are inside, but how we have relationships with people as we grow. The way a father treats his child will influence what he or she looks for in other people. Friends, lovers, and spouses will all be chosen based on how the child perceived the meaning of the relationship with his or her father. The patterns a father sets in the relationships with his children will dictate how his children relate with other people.
Fathers and Their Daughters
Young girls depend on their fathers for security and emotional support. A father shows his daughter what a good relationship with a man is like. If a father is loving and gentle, his daughter will look for those qualities in men when she’s old enough to begin dating. If a father is strong and valiant, she will relate closely to men of the same character.
Fathers and Their Sons
Unlike girls, who model their relationships with others based on their father’s character, boys model themselves after their father’s character. Boys will seek approval from their fathers from a very young age. As human beings, we grow up by imitating the behavior of those around us; that’s how we learn to function in the world. If a father is caring and treats people with respect, the young boy will grow up much the same. When a father is absent, young boys look to other male figures to set the “rules” for how to behave and survive in the world.
So today, don’t forget to tell your dad you love him, and thanks for being there!
source: www.pediatricsoffranklin.com.
These fascinating words embedded in the aforementioned research findings by child psychologist has proven me right in my first few opening narratives. There is therefore the inevitable conclusion that the presence of a Father and the kind of character he puts up in the home, predetermined what his children especially the male children would grow up into. As a father it is advisable to always live in the active consciousness that you are the mirror through which your children look through just as it is important to have it at the back of your mind that your son(s) is seeing in you as the model that he ought to grow up copying. Child psychologists say that when children are born, they are like ‘tabula rasa’ or empty slate. So they look at the father especially for guidance and direction and if the father is an absentee or an irresponsible father, the children stand the risk of borrowing these irresponsible behavioural traits because they would inevitably be living under the conviction that their father is always right even when the father is anything but a good Dad or a humane, charitable, honest and caring Dad of his children and his spouse.
Here is a strong advisory for fathers who may still be doubting how strategic they are to the character moulding of their children: “Dear Husbands, Take Your Place. The Tone Of Your Marriage: It Really Should Begin With, From You”, so says Ijeoma Onyeibe-Popoola. This scholar proceeded to extensively narrate how a father can be a good father by showing good and exemplary character at the home front. She asked the man of the House to “Leave The House When You Are Angry.”
She went on to affirm that a valuable lesson from her boss, who taught her group of married individuals the importance of conflict resolution.
She said as follows: “He addressed a common habit among husbands especially, who would often leave home for a while to ‘cool off’ during disagreements with their wives.
Some spouses would even stay away for days.
As much as he was not against leaving to cool off because many Men (naturally) do not know how to handle conflicts with the female gender. but then he posed a thought-provoking question: ‘Does taking a break from your spouse mean you also take a break from being a parent? What happens to the kids while you are away? How do you explain your exit and absence to your children?’
He further challenged us, ‘What if you storm off to cool off, only to return and find that your partner, the one you left at home has also left to cool off, leaving the children behind?’
His words struck a chord. We all kinda realized that often, we leave our homes because we assume our spouse will remain, stay, taking care of the home and children.
But what if they don’t? Would we still choose to always leave to cool off or rather, learn how to resolve our issues?
How to deal with our feelings especially the “negative” emotions???
The room fell silent as we digested his words. Ultimately, we agreed that the only cure, for a healthy marriage is to approach it as ONE.
We must learn to navigate life’s challenges together, fight together, and support each other as ONE (Ijeoma Popoola, Family Life And Marriage Counselor, Co-founder #EdenShapers Marriage Mentorship).
There is also this pathetic lifestyle of some fathers who live outside of the shores of Nigeria and their families live in Nigeria. These fathers who live far away from their children and do also have the bad habit of not communicating with their children using the diverse telecommunication systems such as live video calls on WhatsApp to remain in close touch with their children, to maintain profound bonds and emotional support to their children but all that these fathers know how best to do is to send money for the upkeep of their children. But the fact is that money wouldn’t buy you the intimacy and emotional bonds that fathers should have with their children. The danger is that one of the sons may cultivate this same behavior of their fathers and when they set up their own families, they would definitely externalise such bad life-style and the vicious circle of imbibing bad characters continues.
# Nurturing Emotional Bonds: A Call to Action for Fathers:
I think as fathers, especially those living abroad, it’s essential to recognize the importance of nurturing emotional bonds with your children. While financial support is crucial, it’s equally vital to prioritize emotional connection with your kids. By doing so, you can build strong, loving relationships that will last a lifetime.
This is why Emotional Connection Matters:
By all standards, it is scientifically ascertained that profoubd emotional connection is the foundation of a healthy, loving relationship between fathers and children. When you prioritize emotional bonding, you:
So, the key word is to prioritize regular communication: Regular phone calls, video chats, or messaging can help maintain a connection with your children.
2. Spend quality time together: When visiting, prioritize quality time with your children, engaging in activities they enjoy, and having meaningful conversations.
3. Show genuine interest in their lives: Demonstrate interest in your children’s interests, hobbies, and feelings, helping them feel seen, heard, and understood.
By prioritizing emotional connection with your children, you can break this cycle of emotional distance and create a legacy of love, connection, and emotional intelligence that will benefit generations to come.
Specifically, nurturing emotional bonds with your children is a lifelong investment, as has been established overtime by psychologists.
By prioritizing emotional connection, you can build strong, loving relationships that will last a lifetime. Remember, being a great father is not just about providing financial support and sending clothes to them, it’s about being present, engaged, and emotionally connected with your children.
So, my conclusion is that fathers who are deviants or who show irresponsibility towards their marital vows and are absent from caring and bringing up their children in harmonious partnership with his wife and the mother of the children, has created a deep chasm and a hole that is so difficult to cover up. A father has only few years to demonstrate that he is a good father possessing the fundamental traits and virtues of a great Dad to his children. Once that rare opportunity slips away, it is difficult to make it up or to mend the broken wall of family unity.
*STACEY UKAOBASI O, is a US based child rights activist and the founder of FORUM FOR CHILD RIGHTS PROMOTION..
